


you’re just tall.

by bendeladore



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Breakups, Drag Race, F/F, Highschool AU, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, Lesbians, Marijuana, Past Abuse, References to Drugs, Slow Burn, Sorry I’m a flop, hopefully, theyre lesbians harold, trixya - Freeform, wlw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-04-24 10:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14353701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bendeladore/pseuds/bendeladore
Summary: Trixie laughed loudly, before opening her eyes to look over at the girl. “Oh my god. I don’t even know you. This is totally like..um, danger- stranger danger.”***the token party AU, except not.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AAAA I’m so sorry this is a flop!!! it’ll hopefully get better and be an ok story. i hope u enjoy! if there’s any typos, please let me know!

Trixie couldn’t help but feel fluttering in her chest as she continuously moved her snack bowls around, attempting to find the most flattering position. She was excited, to say the very least. Excited to throw her first party, to put herself out there, and mostly- to get herself out of her emotional rut. Not that she would care to admit it, but a lot had been going on for her. She was so ready to just, forget it.

It was Pearl’s idea- not Trixie’s- to have a party. Originally, she just invited Pearl and Kim over to hangout for the weekend (to help her cry out and eat her feelings from the week). She wasn’t ever really allowed to have her friends over normally, but her family had gone out of town for her younger sister’s second attempt at Little Miss Wisconsin. Trixie wouldn’t lie- she envied the eleven year old. She’d wanted to do pageants since as long as she could remember, but they never had the money. Ever since her mom remarried, things were financially better, and Trixie couldn’t help but feel like her ‘childhood’ was robbed in comparison. 

“Trixie. Nobody gives a shit about what the bowls look like, babe.” Trixie offered Pearl a nervous smile, shrugging slightly. “I’m just like, so nervous. Do you think we got enough snacks?” The other girl rolled her eyes, stealing one of the doritos. “There’s extra in the kitchen.” “Right.” She nodded slowly, giving her an awkward thumbs up before returning to staring at the snack table. Was she overestimating how many people would come? It’s not like she had any credibility. She’d been to one real party in her high school career, and she saw someone doing coke off the living room table had an anxiety attack. Perhaps even worse, what if she underestimated? She hoped that it wouldn’t be too crowded, mostly so that nobody would break anything.

Trixie and Pearl finished setting things up, Trixie often having to do a little happy dance out of anticipation. There were the snacks, a very small amount of alcohol (she had told people it was BYOB- though, they managed to get a little out of the older woman at the gas station by paying a few extra bucks), and they put the really fragile things in the cabinet under the kitchen sink. After all of that, she just felt awkward. When was it appropriate to start playing music? What if nobody came and she just looked even stupider? What if her newly pronounced ex-boyfriend showed up and made a mess? She just wanted to escape her worries, not find new ones.

Luckily, it was a little slow at first- but afterwards, it was almost a constant stream of people for a few minutes. Someone eventually turned her stereo on, assumably Pearl, and a party was in swing. She felt a little stiff being in the role of host, but she eventually realized nobody was really paying attention to her. Kim eventually showed up and promised she would make sure nothing went wrong, and that ‘yes, Trixie, you totally should just have fun!’ So, she did.

It really didn’t take long for Trixie to find herself a little tipsy. She had been drunk before, twice or so, although she wasn’t ever to the point of being messy. And even now, she was far from it. She just felt good. She was dancing by herself, for herself, despite being surrounded on either side of her, and she just didn’t care. If someone wanted to stare at her, good. She was fairly sure she still looked good, and she wouldn’t mind a few extra compliments. It’s kind of what she was anticipating when someone grabbed her wrist, and she opened her eyes to see a shorter girl. “Oh! Hey, bitch!” She laughed, as did Adore, the girl smiling as she let go of Trixie. “Hey girl. Who knew you were such a fucking party animal, huh?” She joked, looking around the room. The blonde shrugged contently. “It’s kind of like, really fun. I feel sooo fucking cool.” “Well, you look fucking cool, too!” Adore hugged on Trixie affectionately, drawing a hum from her. “Pearl sent me on a mission to drag your ass up to your room. Just for a sec, girl, so don’t worry.”

Almost no convincing was needed, just a little bit of help getting herself up the stairs. She was mostly just curious, and decided to be pretend-upset about Pearl sending Adore instead of coming herself. “Too good to come get me yourself?” Trixie huffed as she opened the door, her eyes flickering around her room. Pearl sat on her bed, packing weed into a pink, glittery pipe. “Aw, dammit, Pearl! Now my room’s gonna fucking reek.” She whined as Adore gently nudged her forwards, getting the message and going to sit besides the other girl. Pearl offered a shrug in reply, looking back down at the piece in her hand. “Obviously, I have better things to do. And chill. The whole house’s gonna smell like weed and booze anyway.” Trixie pouted slightly as she nodded in agreement. “I’m gonna have to go bankrupt buying Lysol.”

“It’ll be fine. Light a fucking, incense or something.” Before Trixie could laugh and respond, the pink pipe was shoved into her hand. “Jesus, Pearl! You should already know I’m like.. incompetent about this stuff.” Although Pearl was stoned almost everyday, Trixie had strayed away. It’s not like she was scared or anything, she was just nervous for the repercussions if anyone in her family found out. Or even worse, if she got caught at school or something. “Trix. Light it. Inhale. Exhale. Not that hard.” Pearl shrugged, studying the girl in front of her. She rolled her eyes after Trixie responded with a blank stare, looking at Adore. “Girl.” The brunette laughed, sitting beside Trixie. “Just try it, babe. Don’t like it? No worries.” Nothing Adore had Said was groundbreaking by any means, but the girl had a comforting energy to her. Trixie sighed, doing as Pearl told her with the pipe. She lit it and inhaled, doing her absolute best to hold it in before coughing and sputtering soon after. Adore was rubbing her back gently, grinning as Pearl snorted. 

After about fifteen minutes and three hits, Trixie decided smoking wasn’t really for her. She just kind of felt the same, but with a yucky smell stuck in her hair now. 

***

Trixie was back downstairs, and back dancing in her happy little bubble. Things had been great! She hasn’t expected such an amazing result from her and her friend’s rough planning, but everyone seemed to be having fun. There was an almost-fight, but someone got them to take it outside or leave altogether (she didn’t hear anything else about it, so she just figured it ended). One of her ex’s friends had appeared, but she didn’t talk to him, nor see the other boy at all. So, yeah, she felt really good.

The girl was significantly more buzzed before, bumping into people pretty often. Everyone seemed to hardly acknowledge it, which made her happy. She didn’t want to bother anyone. As she broke away from the living room crowd, and attempted to make her way to the bathroom, she felt her stomach turn. She had assumed maybe she just had to use the bathroom or something, but as she threw up on some girl’s shoes, she realized she was wrong. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry- I was, I just- I was trying to go..” As Trixie heaved again, the girl gasped loudly, squeezing her eyes shut. “Oh, Jesus Christ. That’s so fucking gross.” She opened her eyes to see Trixie catching her breath, looking up at her. “Um.. Okay…” Katya was slightly panicking. What was she meant to do? The girl was just staring at her, almost dumbfounded. “Okay, come on, doll face.” Katya tried to sound comforting, guiding Trixie to the bathroom that of course, had to be about three feet- if that- from where Trixie vomited. There was a note on the door in red marker that announced what the room was, and Katya huffed as Trixie landed on the linoleum with a whine. 

It took Katya a minute to gather what she was supposed to do, before telling Trixie to stay put. She slid her now disgusting-looking shoes off, closing the door as she left the room. And yeah, maybe cleaning up a girls vomit off the floor at a party that she didn’t really care about wasn’t her plan, but she wasn’t that mad. Mostly just grossed out. Really, really grossed out. She almost fell in the kitchen, due to her socks sliding, but she managed to find the trash can and clean the carpet in the living room off pretty well. She got a bottle of water afterwards, slightly running back to the bathroom. “Okay, okay, hey.”

Katya closed the door, crouching down in front of the blonde who was currently attempting to braid a portion of her hair. It was really small, ugly, and had uneven sections. “Oh. So, you’re a hair stylist now?” Trixie laughed slightly, nodding as she looked up. “Totally, mhm.” Katya smiled slightly, pressing the bottle of water into her hand. “Drink, mama. Looked like you threw up your whole stomach.” “Think so.. and like, the Um..what’s it called? The spleen! The whole fucking spleen.. so yucky.” “Absolutely awful.” Trixie spilled some of the water on her shirt, but drank a good amount before struggling to stand up. “Jesus, where are you in a rush to go?” “Im gonna pee myself, bitch!”

Katya was made to turn around after assisting the girl on the toilet, before she stood up. “M’kay.. all done.” She announced proudly, swaying as Katya turned around and sighed. “Are you too fucked to tell me how to get you home?” Trixie giggled loudly, shaking her head. “Oh, honey, here’s the gag.. ‘M already home!” At first, Katya assumed it was a stupid joke that didn't land, or some other bullshit, before her silence prompted another response. “My party. Was really good, right? I’m- I did really good! Yeah.” Certainly, it made Katya’s self-assigned job easier, but she felt a little bad. This poor girl got shit faced at her own party. Her friends had discussed the party beforehand, and she remembered the host’s name being Trixie. Now that she thought about it, she had seen this girl before.

There was some messy small talk from Trixie, who’s words were blending together, as Katya washed her hands off. She had tossed her still nasty shoes into the bathtub to deal with later, before taking Trixie’s hand and leading her out. “You’re gonna have to show me where your room is, girl.” “Mmmhm.” She nodded, letting the smaller girl guide her upstairs. Trixie’s heels were increasingly harder to walk in, and she leaned more so on Katya than the banister. “Did, um.. did Pearl, or like… Someone tell you to come get me? Cus, you can tell Pearl she should stop lazing-.. lazing? being lazy?.. It doesn’t matter! She’s so fucking, f-flaizzes.. flazéda about everything.” Katya snorted, looking over as they reached the top. “Flazéda?” “Yeppp.” Trixie nodded, proud of her clear success at French. “I think you mean laissez-faire, sweetheart. And I don’t even talk to Pearl, so that’s a no.”

Katya endured Trixie’s complaining about French all the way down the hall, before being informed her room was the other way, and eventually making it inside. It was about as budget-Barbie as one could expect from her. Of course it was mostly pink, and of course she had a (clearly home-made) vanity. Katya was studying the room, closing the door as Trixie climbed into bed happily. “I made it, mom!” She laughed, drawing a small laugh from Katya as she sat beside her. “You sure did.” She watched in slight-awe and slight-disgust as Trixie fumbled to peel her fake lashes off. There was an attempt to set them on the nightstand, but one of them fell to the floor. Trixie either didn’t notice or didn’t care, as she happily snuggled against the pillow. “Lay down, bitch! Fluzzy blanket.” Although katya wasn’t quite sure what that meant, she laid down on top of the comforter. “Bitch. You make no fucking sense.” 

Trixie laughed loudly, before opening her eyes to look over at the girl. “Oh my god. I don’t even know you. This is totally like..um, danger- stranger danger.” Katya raised an eyebrow as she nodded slowly. “I’m Katya. Aren’t you.. Tracy?” She teased, grinning as the other girls face scrunched up. “Tracy?! No way!” “Oh, my bad. Troxie, right, sorry.” Trixie whined, her arms flailing slightly. “How are you that close but still wrong, bitch!?” Her tone wasn’t angry at all, and Katya thought it was pretty entertaining to mess with a drunk girl like this. “So I was close?” She pressed her face into the pillow with another whining noise, shaking her head. “Trixie!” She yelled, muffled by the pillow. 

“I know your name, dumb bitch. Your party.” Oh. Right. Trixie lifted her head, laying it on the side on top of the pillow. “Whatever.” She pouted, earning a small smile from Katya. “Do you feel any better? Because, a bitch was already thrown up on once. Filled quota.” Trixie giggled quietly, shaking her head slightly. “My stomach is all like.. woosh-wooooosh.” She moves her hands in an exaggerated wave, nodding. She pushed her hair out of her face, speaking again before Katya could. “Not like, in a ‘oh noooo, yucky’, throw up way though.” “Then what do you mean?” 

Trixie shrugged, closing her eyes as if it would protect her from her embarrassment. “I’m like.. a little bit scared of you. Not cus’ you’re bad or anything! Just really nice to me and, um.. haven’t talk to you before.. plus you still could be a weirdo murderer! I dunno.” Katya listened contently, propping Her Head Up with her hand. Trixie was definitely an interesting character, although she never really heard much about her before now. It was kind of intriguing to her. Mysterious wasn’t exactly a word she would use to describe Trixie, but interesting worked fairly well. “Well. The nights not over yet.” The other girl laughed obnoxiously loud, nodding. “I meannnn.. I’m not saying I want a sexy girl to kill me, but. I won’t take any precartionary- pre-caut-ion-ary meshures.” Katya wheezed quietly, raising an eyebrow. “Measures?” “That’s what I said!”

Katya listened contently toTrixie’s nonsense for a while longer, before trying to get her to go to sleep. It was a little bit of drunken refusal before the girl said she would try, the attitude present. However, Katya found her snoring not even ten minutes later. Which left her with a slight moral dilemma. She could make sure Trixie was alright through the night and into the morning, or she could leave and go home in her own bed, not next to a semi-stranger. She doubted the vomit was out of real illness, but she could still feel guilt creeping up on her from the thought of leaving Trixie alone. So, she stayed. Her night consisted of watching muted YouTube videos with captions- as if it would make a difference with the roaring music below them-, and then eventually falling asleep beside Trixie. There were a lot of worse things that could’ve happened, and Trixie’s blanket did turn out to be comfortably ‘fluzzy’.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will say now, this chapter is terrible. i just want to move past it. i was hospitalized for 2 days and im still severely ill and its all really hard. i just want to move onto a new chapter and just, i dont know. thank you for reading

Trixie woke up first, and she was absolutely terrified. She vaguely remembered the blonde girl beside her, but not why she was there. Which, led to some panicked texts to Pearl, who was unhappily awakened by the constant notifications. ‘pearl’ ‘pearl’ ‘PEARL!!!!’ ‘omg im supposed to be really scared but typing your name so much makes it feel like its not a real word’

Pearl didn’t provide much comfort in Trixie’s situation. She was mostly just critical of why Trixie was so worried, when she was pretty sure any normal person would be concerned. After all, Trixie had seen this scenario in many romcoms, where they have a one night stand and they don’t realize the severity until they’re awake. She was almost certain she wouldn’t do that, especially with a girl, but what else would’ve happened? It’s not like she was completely unrecognizable; She was positive she’d been with her last night. It was just why that left her lost, as well as anxious. 

The scariest part wasn’t the fact she didn’t know much about the girl, or even necessarily that it was a girl, just the timing. Her boyfriend and her had broken up.. well, officially broken up on Wednesday. That in part with her slight confusion over who she was attracted to for the past month made it all too eerie for her. Even if she wanted to be with a girl (which, she didn’t.), she wasn’t interested in one-off hookups anyway! This was too far out there for her, every single bit of it. 

Trixie was in the middle of replying back to Pearl when the mattress started to bounce slightly. She typed a quick ‘brb’ before setting her phone under her arm, glancing over. Katya had sat up, and stretched her arms up into the air. Her hair was dirty blonde, short, and messy, and it bounced slightly as she brought her arms back down and relaxed. She looked over at Trixie, leaning closer slightly. “You’re awake, right?” She asked, prompting Trixie to nod. “Oh, Good. Couldn’t really tell.” She shrugged, smiling slightly. “So-“ “Look, I’m really sorry if we ended up like, doing.. anything, but I really didn’t mean to and I’m really not looking. Or gay!” Trixie interrupted, speaking quickly as she watched for the girls reaction. 

The loud laugh and slight hand flapping was about the last thing Trixie expected, and her confused expression made Katya laugh slightly again. “Bitch! Are you being serious?! Trixie sat up slightly, nodding. “I mean.. yeah!” She laughed yet again, shaking her head as she did. “We’re both fully dressed! You take time to put your clothes back on after getting pounded?!” Trixie looked at the end of the bed as she thought. Well, that was kind of obvious. It made her feel a little stupid, to not only use her context clues, but to also bring it up immediately. “I never claimed to be smart, bitch!”

“Clearly. It’s safe to assume you don’t remember any of it?” Katya raised an eyebrow, watching the other girl. “I like, remember your.. presence? I don’t know, like- dejavu kinda? But, I dunno much else.” Trixie sat up as well, smoothing her slightly frizzy hair down with one hand, the other behind her to keep her up as she relaxed. “You threw up everywhere, girl. All over my busted converse.” “Oh no.” She frowned, watching Katya intently. She didn’t seem particularly mad or upset, and she did a quick glance around the perimeter of the bed. She certainly didn’t see any shoes that weren’t hers, and her gut reaction was to feel terrible that this poor girl had to throw out her shoes. “I’m so sorry. Obviously I didn’t mean to, but I could like, give you a pair..? Do you wear a size nine?” A small giggle came from her after hearing Katya laugh, and she watched her still. “I’m a ten, but I could probably squeeze into a nine.”

They talked for a few more minutes, with several futile attempts from Trixie to get Katya to take a pair of her shoes, before they got out of bed. Katya had just been repeating Trixie’s gesture, and the blonde offered her a slight smile. “I’m going to shower real quick. Feel like ass. You can, um, do whatever?” Katya nodded, watching her move towards the bedroom door. “Whatever’s cool.” 

Katya stood awkwardly, looking around the room for a minute or so after Trixie left, before deciding to go downstairs. She assumed there would be a mess of scattered cups on countertops, napkins on the floor, and crumbs on the couch. She was unsurprisingly right, and sighed as she looked over the area. It wasn’t terrible, she guessed, but the thought of a probably hungover Trixie cleaning it all up alone made her feel pretty guilty. After all, whether she wanted to or not, she kind of slept in her bed and unintentionally left her riddled with anxiety the morning after. 

After searching through three cabinets for trash bags and finding some cleaner, she was absolutely golden. Katya first started by emptying all the half full cups into the sink, and then tossing them in their own garbage bag. She used another for general trash, shamelessly eating a few of the leftover Doritos in the bowl before dumping the rest out. There was only so much she could do in fifteen minutes, and it was by no means complete, but that didn’t stop Trixie from gasping quietly as she came down the stairs. “Bitch! You did not have to go and do all that bitch!” She motioned around the living room, and Katya shrugged as she grinned brightly. “Oh, but I did.”

“Dude. You let me throw up all over you-“ “All over my shoes.” Katya interjected, nodding for her to continue as Trixie rolled her eyes. “Right. All over your shoes, and then you go clean my mess up?! What is wrong with you?” She shrugged, looking at the carpet contently. “I just felt like I should help.” It was kind of the nicest thing Trixie had ever had anyone do for her. Even though there was a slight possibility it wasn’t the nicest, it sure was the most important to her. There was a clear difference in her mind, of having people who know you well do nice things for you, and practically complete strangers doing nice things for you. And this took the cake for strangers being kind. “You know what. I think my friends made me take, like, acid or something, and this is all a hallucination.” Trixie’s hands moved an awful lot when she talked, she noted. “ Bitch! There’s no way you could be that nice to me.”

“There is no way I’m as basic as LSD. I’m more like.. PCP or something.” Trixie shrugged, walking through to the kitchen with the other girl following. “I don’t even know what that is.” She murmured, gazing over the freshly cleaned counter. “Oh, wow. I seriously don’t even know how to thank you.” She turned on her heels, looking at Katya seriously. The other girl was a bit taken back by the sincerity, before smiling slightly again. “I can arrange a payment plan. Weekly or biweekly?” She was pleased by the mix of slight screaming and laughter to emit from the girl, laughing slightly herself. 

“You’re really too funny. Okay, look, here’s the deal. I kind of vaguely remembering throwing up- although, not necessarily on you, but I cannot for the life of me remember your name.” Trixie wasn’t sure what it meant when she was responded to with a laugh, and she huffed. “Bitch. Watch it be fucking, Susan or something. That’s the gag.” Katya laughed again, shaking her head. “Barbara Ann. Barbara Ann Summers! God.” They both laughed, before Katya eventually told her her name. Trixie though it was cool, told her it was ‘definitely better than Barbara Ann Summers’, and then she felt slightly awkward. What else did they talk about? Were they even meant to talk at all? Of course, she had just meant then but then she was beginning to worry over if she talked to Katya outside of her house at all after this. 

Trixie ended up asking her if she was hungry or anything, making two cups of coffee before Katya announced she was leaving. She thanked Trixie for the coffee, and ‘stuff’, which left Trixie a little taken back. She owed Katya way more for all the help. She gave her thanks and watched Katya leave, smiling contently before sighing to herself. If only she had had the courage to get her number. 

Katya was honestly very grateful for everything Trixie had offered, and although she didn’t want to intrude, the damp concrete was really making her regret not borrowing a pair of shoes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! sorry again for the quality. i can do better and i will, i just didnt want to update 2 months later than intended yknow??


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I don’t knkw how to feel about this chapter. I think it’s messy and a little bad. but I’ve decided to stop caring so much about what I think people think. that’s not to say I don’t care about the quality, Because I do, and I especially really care what you guys think about it. I just mean presumptively assuming people will think I’m stupid or hate it. I appreciate any and all comments/advice/kudos I get and thank you for reading this regardless :)

Trixie didn’t finish cleaning the rest of the party’s aftermath up until the literal moment she heard her parents car pull in. She had been too busy texting her friends group chat (texts from Trixie like ‘guys please help’ ‘i threw up on the worlds most beautiful and kind angel’ warranted the response ‘can you speak like a normal human? ever??’) and thinking over her newfound ‘friendship’. It was unclear if they would ever interact again after this, but Trixie was determined. She just knew she wanted to be friends with Katya. 

Of course, she said hi to her parents and sister- who, was the runner-up!- before going upstairs. She did her best to not show it, but she had an awful, pounding headache from the night before. The last thing she needed was to be caught. So, she was practically scared out of her mind when her mom yelled for her, but she carefully walked downstairs as if she could change her fate. “Yeah, mom?” She called, peeking around the corner. The shoes in her moms hands equally relaxed her and made her more anxious, and she gave a nervous laugh, attempting to explain before her mom could even ask. “Okay, so, Kitty threw up all over my shoes, but- don’t worry, I made sure she was okay.” She gave her mom a smile lacking confidence, nodding. The amount of vomit was questioned, but she surprisingly managed to talk her way out of it before being told to clean them off.

At first, Trixie was a little peeved. She just wanted to go back to sleep, in all honesty. But as she began scrubbing them in the upstairs bathtub, she realized that spending half an hour cleaning Katya’s shoes wasn’t all bad. Now she could return them, and have a clear reason to talk to her again. It was a bit of a loss, but to her, it was more of a win. She felt a little giddy the rest of the day, despite her body aches and pounding head. 

The rest of the night was typical. Her sister was loud and obnoxious, her step-dad was in a bad mood, and her mom had to deal with keeping everyone under control. Yeah, Trixie had an attitude. She really, really couldn’t stand how chaotic everyone always had to be. And she knew deep down Katya, or any friend, couldn’t fix all of this. But she just had a really good and gracious feeling about her. Her thoughts of Katya subsided Sunday. She wasn’t weird, and certainly not obsessed. Just excited. Explaining that to Pearl was certainly difficult, but Kim backed her up and supported her pursuing the girl’s company, as long as ‘she wasn’t being creepy’. 

Monday morning, a very happy Trixie rocked on her heels near the art hall. Her locker was upstairs, a long walk away. But, according to Pearl, Katya’s locker was down here. She was a little skeptical at first, but apparently, the two have a mutual friend, named Violet. Trixie’s first reaction was, ‘are you talking about me to people?!’, but she learned that Violet was ‘...cool.’, and probably wouldn’t mention it. 

Trixie was about to give up when the warning bell rang, but she saw Katya half-running down the hall, digging around in her backpack. “Katya!” She smiled as she got closer, laughing slightly when the girl jumped. “Bitch! You literally almost killed me!” They both laughed this time, before Katya smiled back at her happily. “What’re you doing down here anyway? I know I absolutely did not look good enough to have you whipped.” “What?!” Trixie scoffed, shaking her head as she took her bag off, and produced the girl’s converse. “Tada.”

Trixie was really surprised at the genuine gasp that came from the shorter girl, as she grabbed the shoes from her. “I totally forgot them in the bathroom, and then my sister found them, and then my mom was like, so close to finding me out. Now I guess she thinks my cat is like, on her death bed and throwing up everything. But I cleaned them! So.. yeah.” Katya was grateful to have her good old faithful converse back, especially looking brand new. Not that the vomit helped, but her shoes weren’t anywhere near clean beforehand. She knew in all actuality, it was a decent action most people would do, but it held a lot of significance for her. 

Katya thanked her a few more times, and Trixie couldn’t think of anything else to say or do to keep the conversation going, so they seperated. Trixie was satisfied with herself. She successfully talked to her after the party, and it went well! Even if their conversation had no actual substance. It was weird, because while she was geniunely really excited at the idea of a new friend, she found herself getting very anxious about it all on-and-off throughout the day. Maybe she should’ve waited to give the shoes back, because now they didn’t fully have a reason to ever interact again. 

Not only that, but her moral support squad wasn’t very motivating. Pearl told her to just ‘go with it, and talk to her more. It’s not like its that big of a deal’, and Kim told her that it was probably fine. Just another case of Trixie overthinking. Which, wasn’t really wrong. It was a mostly playful discussion until Kim quietly added, “I hope you’re not just latching onto to her to avoid the whole Travis situation.” That was a real mood killer.

“That doesn’t even make any sense.” Trixie scoffed, playing with her nails. The polish from the week before was almost gone, and she chipped what remained away. “Girl, look- You can’t ignore it.”` “I’m totally not, but thanks, I guess.” She blinked a few times, keeping her glare down. So what? She wanted to forget it. It happened, she wasn’t denying it. There truly was no correspondence, she just finally found someone else who was weird, and different, and also really nice. It didn’t matter to her if she even was ignoring it- It was her problem. “I mean..” Pearl watched Trixie, shrugging slightly. “I just want to make sure you’re okay about.. It all, I guess.” Kim added, nodding, which brought a loud sigh from the blonde as she closed her eyes. “Obviously, I’m not okay with it. I don’t have to think about it every hour of the day to feel better, or whatever.”

“I didn’t mean that, just-” “Okay, Kim, I really don’t care. Can we just forget about it?” Trixie looked up, waiting for a response. She was just met with both girls staring at her, and she sighed again. “Like, I appreciate the idea, but I have no interest in talking about him. He’s an asshole.” She mumbled, and Kim smiled as she nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.” “Fuck him.” Pearl contributed, all three of them laughing slightly. It certainly wasn’t funny, or a joke, but it did clear the tension.

Trixie went home that night and cried into her flower printed pillow. She could only be at a high for so long, she knew, but coming back down to reality hurt. Maybe she was trying to ignore the situation. But, why was that even bad? She could face being dumped when she was ready. Not when other people decided for her, no matter their intentions. In the moment, Trixie wasn’t even sad. She just felt empty, and hurt, and deep down she knew very well that all of the blame could not be pinned on any one person, including her ex. She had a thought at one point where maybe it was her fault. Not the people who had consistently damaged her emotionally, but her fault for ignoring it. 

It wasn’t hard to understand that Kim would’ve never made Trixie feel like this on purpose. It was just inevitable. Someone would always say something that, in itself was fine, but for some reason destroyed her. Seeing girls her age post for Father’s Day or even thanksgiving made her angry. And maybe it wasn’t fair, to be mad at girls she never talked to, or to be mad at Kim and Pearl for trying to look out for her, but it wasn’t fair for her to feel like she was the problem. One of the worst things was that she couldn’t even talk about it, because it was just the typical girl with ‘daddy issues’ trying to get boys to like her. 

The next day, when Kim came to check on her in the hall, Trixie couldn’t manage herself anymore. She cried slightly, hugging Kim tightly as she rubbed her back. It wasn’t Kim’s fault, and she didn’t really know why she was crying. Everything just felt like it went back down from a solid eight to a two. She hated that. The fact that she could have the best day ever and then ruin it for herself, to the point where she felt like everything was broken and she was the culprit. It made her feel broken. It wasn’t normal (so she had inferred), and she didn’t want to be like .. this. She didn’t want to be crazy. 

Kim’s apologies only made her feel worse, and the blonde assured her it was fine. She was just stressed, and it stacked up and Kim just got the backlash. They both apologized, hugged again, and then Kim gave her a sad seeming smile before they went to their own classes. 

Trixie got a text from Kim in second period, which made her smile. It was just really thoughtful, and although she was a little worried about it, it seemed genuine. ‘I officially declare that putting all of your energy into Katy is really sweet. Pearl doesn’t know it yet but me & herare happy to help as long as she doesn’t replace me as your moms favorite.’ ‘katya*’ ‘stupid autocorrect.’

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!! please leave comments and kudos if you think it deserves it.


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